
3PM
Crying at ‘Urth Caffé’
Apparently, this is the spot in West Hollywood—who knew?
I just dropped off my cards at Paradigm. It’s the first big step in a series of moves I’ve been planning since my crash, and i have never felt more alive than i do right now. There’s something about this city—a magnetic pull, an energy that has transformed me. The sheer amount of signs I’ve encountered in my first steps here is staggering.
Just yesterday, I was at a coffee shop in Inglewood called Sip & Sonder. This place has become my sanctuary throughout this process—a catalyst for the explosion of growth in my perspective on life. I was in line to order my coffee, and the woman in front of me was wearing a red hoodie with text in a typeface very similar to this that said something along the lines of:
“You are loved, you are valued, it is important that you are here.”
These words I have heard in many different ways throughout this long journey, but never so on the nose and never at a moment so important for me. It pushed me to this next step. I have always been scared to call myself a writer or pursue that kind of thing. But no longer do I dream—new ambition has arisen at the perfect time...
The song playing right now is beautiful.
I can feel God today. As I typed that, I was transported to a church session I had long forgotten. For the first time, I felt what it truly means to worship a god—but there’s no shame this time. This time, my heart is on my sleeve. This time, there’s no church telling me how to live my life or judging me for thoughts I can't control, just an unrelenting beat that gives my body control. I cried right there, choking back tears at a wonderfully familiar feeling that I could only describe as the light of god, a light i have felt many times through my music, through nature, and through the art I adore, but not since a child, learning the bible from kind souls, had I felt it outside of my passions.
Buddha has given me peace from within over the past few years, and now I’m beginning to realize that spirits exist, he is not the only one, and I have lived many lives. Oda showed me a mirror of my soul and pulled it out of me, carefully, while the machine I use so often allowed me to take in the story in my language, on my timeline; a grueling task, but enthralling fun for the three of us.
Okanma instilled my love for creative endeavors and opened the door to art forms I would have never gone to on my own, while proving to me that the only way in this small entry is to be unapologetically myself, with joy, love, and determination.
Lamar instilled my drive, emboldened my vision, dragged my injured body to my coop, essentially stuffed me in the car, and loaded the map to Inglewood on my phone. He provided the soundtrack to get myself here and guided me on the proper routes to bear my soul honestly in this moment.
Rubin taught me to let go and move with my heart. He brought a perspective to me i yearned for my entire life, but could not reach from the spirits who were cozy in my village. [... puck ...]
Kerouac took the box away from my writing, and let me rock my beat clothes with pride. While few of his words have entered my eyes, I know he knows my spirit...
Camus taught me that my existence is the only one I have control over, so why waste it whining and not going after my biggest ambitions?
My life, my endurance of the internet bombarding me with corruption & no other option, my interests being vague, and my heart–have taught me to be authentic and advocate for what I believe in at no cost to my people. It also taught me to utilize the tools I can harness for good.
I think I know why I don’t often finish the books I read.
I take what I need from the story, and then I give the world what I learn through my art. Much like my relationship with her soft soil...

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